How To Bake A Cowboy Cake

Step By Step Instructions From a 
(Very In-)Expert Baker

1) Paint your toes Cowboy Blue

to ensure that you are in the proper state of mind.

2) Gather All Of Your Ingredients Together

3) Find a safe place for husbands/boyfriends, small people and Brown Dogs, 

where they will be able to watch you work, but not be able to lick the frosting.

4) Grease the pan

5) Mix the cake according to package directions & fill the pan.

6) Bang the pan flat on the counter until all air bubbles are gone 

or until someone threatens to strangle you. 

7) Bake according to package directions.

8) Place your drink order with your favorite bartender.

9) Clean the mixer & beaters.

10) Mix your frosting

11) Test the done-ness of the cake with a toothpick 

& remove the cake from the oven when done.

12) Enjoy a cocktail & some laughs while the cake cools.

13) Frost the cooled cake with a thin crumb-coat.

14) Cover for the night.

15) Have one last cocktail & head to bed.

16) When you get up in the morning, get dressed & take the VIP tour at 

Cowboy Stadium in search of inspiration for your cake.

17) Attempt to photograph the building from the outside.

18) Fail miserably because the place is just too flippin' big.   

Sigh deeply & take 3 photos that you can later glue side by side.

19) Have lunch and upon arrival home, promptly lay down for a nap.

Sleep at least one hour, two is better.

20) Mix the colors of your frosting

21) Try not to lick the toothpick with the color gel on it, 

so as not to turn your lips & teeth blue.

22) Decorate cake as desired.

23) Cheer when the decorating is done & your hand stops cramping up.

24) Admire your finished product.

25) Allow the cutest guy you know to cut the cake.

26) Eat enough cake & ice cream to drown your sorrows 

when your team loses the first game of the season.

Maybe they'll do better next week if we offer them some cake?